When it ain't a hotel

Now this just really fries my gizzards. Sizzles 'em all up in jalapeno sauce and blows 'em out me arse! Makes me feel like a right fool it does! Why can't the monkey boys ever say what they mean? No wonder I couldn't get me head around it.

At first I thought the naughty tapes was made IN the hotel. I thought the mind numbingly dim series put the hotel ON a farm. Nice place for the pigs and chickens I thought and about time someone gave a break to the old farmer. But then they said the hotel was caught driving while intoxicated (I can't understand all that hubbub either... is there any other way to drive?) How can a bloody hotel fit in an auto?

So I'm talking to me mate Bucky Gutraker last night and I tell him how this here question is vexing me something fierce and he starts laughing! Rolls right on his back he does with peals of derisive laughter delivered in that demeaning fashion that only a feline can manage.

"Paris Hilton is girl dim wit not a hotel!" He says to me.

"A human!?"

"Of course"

"What manky human names their offspring after a bloody hotel!" I says.

"Billionaire hotel owners who must advertise constantly to make even more billions," old Bucky opined.

So it weren't no celebrity hotel after all! Bloody humans don't know what celebrity is! They've got no measure of it. What did this blond twit every do except pull her knickers up for candid camera or drive around like an addled banshee what sucked too much soul?

Down in detention we got real heroes! Old Jack the Rippa' split many a pretty. Up here they got Kelly Ripa and as near as I can tell all she is is a hand maiden to some talking head named Regis. We got Blackbeard! They got Carrot Top! We got Sweeny Todd! They got PeeWee Herman! We got Lord Caine! They got no one what matches Lord Caine.

Oh now he's a right hero that one. Turned the tide in not one but two Ring Wars. They say he committed the first murder among humans! The first! Now there's a human to make the heart go all a flutter. Of course he's more than just a human now, he's a creature of power. A right "A number one" C.O.P. he is. I hear he's on the outs with old Luke though. Too bad, because he's one we need on our side.

- Aimless



All this time I've been thinking this little twit