Me poor lad came over last night head down and tail drooping like a dog that's been lashed by his master. Oh, he was a sorry looking one he was.
"What's the matter Bucky? You lost a near and dear?"
Had to scrunch up me ears right tight because he got to caterwauling like only a feline can do. It's like fingernails on the blackboard of your soul.
"I'm a failure," he says to me, "An abject flacid, flaky, feline failure... sniff."
"Bucky me boy!? What are you going on about?"
"They'll never let me in the club now. When word gets I'll be barred for the rest of my nine lives."
"Bucky I'm working at a distinct disadvantage here. A lack of information is what it is."
"Well... last night was the night."
"It weren't like any other night?"
"Nope no morning star... no moon... perfect for my mission."
"Your mission?"
"I did my recon first. Checked the entire area for 100 meters. I set up my scouting post at the edge of the woods and the target showed up a o' 700 hundred hours. I then commenced operation "Fancy Feast"... or was it "Meow Mix-it-up"? I forget. Anway I started meowing like the most pathetic kitten on face of the earth. I dredged up all those long ago emotions when I was taken from my mother and thrown in the wild in order to give a sincere and convincing performance."
"Ah so your a method actor then. Are you more in line with Stanislavski or Strasberg."
"Strasberg although you can't deny the influence of the former."
"Oh! Of course not. So go on then."
"I nabbed her hook line and sinker. She came over crying, "Poor little kitty what's wrong? Do you need a huggy? Some lovey dovey."
"Now you're going to make me wretch, Bucky."
"Sorry. It was disgusting. Anyway I waited till she got just in reach and then boom(!) i'm down the path like a cheetah on a gazelle... except she's chasing me. Anyway I keep her hooked. I'm always just out of reach to keep her interested, but to keep her running. I round the curve, I've got her stumbling foreward, I'm almost to the big old root in the path and I freeze!"
"You freeze!? That's not like you Bucky."
"There was a pitbull standing in the middle of the path! A pitbull! What are the odds? I've been down that path a thousand times and never smelled dog before!"
"Them there pitbulls can be right nasty... chew up old Bucky like a tasty treat and use his bones for a toothpick."
"Exactly! That ambulatory toothy gore factory starts growling at me. Pulls back his lips. Saliva starts dripping from his muzzle on to the path. His eyes get this crazy orange glow. I heard him muttering "Cat burger... cat buuuuurrrrggggeeeerrrr".
"Lords of hell and ladies of disrepute!!!! What did you do."
"Nothing! She did it! She did it! The little blonde girl saved me!!! She picked up a big old stick and bounced if off that brute's nose like some kind of ninja or something. It him so hard it crossed his eyes! He yelped and scooted down that path with his tail between his legs."
"Ohhhhh...." I said all knowing like. I could see where this was going.
"I was frozen Aimless. I didn't know what to do. She picked me up and then started rubbing my head and belly like only humans can do... and my STUPID kitty instincts kicked in and I started purring(!) and then the next thing I know I'm lapping up milk in her kitchen and she's asking her parents if she can keep me."
"What did they say?"
"Yes."
"You staying"
"The milk was really good."
I try to be a good sport. I try not to disrespect my fine lad and good friend, but I couldn't take it no more. I laughed until the tears fell out of me eyes in great rivers. Blood started squirting out me ears and spit was sprayed to the ceiling. When I was done Bucky just sat there in front of me with a look to freeze your soul. I thought he was going to jump me.
"Ahem... sorry about that mate. I wasn't laughing AT you I was laughing... yeah I was laughing at you." And then I started up again for another minute or too. Old Bucky's got some restraint because he still didn't jump me.
"I was hoping you would understand Aimless."
"I do mate I do and I have a way to turn this around to your favor. A way to make this another exploit about Bucky's excellent adventures in service to the dark lord."
That pricked up the lad's ears right straight. It was the first time all night I saw a spark of the old Bucky.
"You see you planned it this way... the dog... the purring... the mill. You set little blondie girl up so you could get into the family... as a SPY!"
Old Bucky's face went as bright as a super nova and I think I saw a tear at the corner of his eye.
"Aimless that's brilliant! You'll tell it that way?"
"For me best lad? In the beat of imp's bladder I will."
"Oh Aimless how can I ever repay you!?"
"Pah! Ain't nothing Bucky old boy. You and me is mates. That's what mates do."
Set me a fire in fireplace and Bucky curled up next to me and purred through the night. That's one thing humans don't get about us dark ones. We gots to have friends too, just a different sort is all.
- Aimless
