Day Walking...

For obvious reasons I’m not much for strolling in the daylight. The bloody sun turns me skin a nasty, burning, itchy red color. Of course that’s what color it is when I’m in my own soma, but while I’m wearing this here monkey boy outfit I have a beautiful pasty white complexion.

Anyway I figures the Administration will be looking for me at night since they know that’s when my kind like to roam. I’m playing it real cagey like and sticking to the sunny bits until things cool down. That being the case I’m glad old Mal gave me one of these here digital cameras. He said it would help with me spying and I’d look more like a tourist. Being undercover and all I thought I’d give it a go so I figured the bloody thing out and how to get me snaps uploaded to this here blog.

This hear Sidious chap is getting on me nerves. He’s looking for a report something desperate and he’s sent so many messenger flies its beginning to look like a dog did his business in the middle of me rented room! Finally I sent him back a horsefly with two words attached to its legs…

"ADMINISTRATION ABOUT!"

He ain’t bothered me since. If I know his sort he’s gone to ground and good thing too.

I’ve been walking around this here city of Bangalore and I still can’t get over how many humans infest the place. It’s like a bee hive with them swarming all about on their mopeds, motorbikes, auto rickshaws (or Tak-Tak’s as I heard one chap call ‘em), cars, trucks, tractors and the bloody cows… and everyone’s moving at the same speed including the bovines.

Back in the old days it was quite common to keep your livestock with you, but I kind of got out of the habit about a hundred and fifty years ago. Around these parts that hasn’t changed much so the animal kingdom is part and parcel of all the hubbub. I even saw a monkey (the simian variety not human kind) sitting on a wall this morning watching the ladies go buy.

I walked quite a bit today trying to sort out in me head what’s going on and what to do. I still ain’t seen any second ringers and I don’t trust this Sidious chap. Of course I don’t trust anyone since that’s in me nature… well I trust Bucky… I miss me little mate.

- Aimless

Runner

I’m bloody tired of running! I spent the past four days running around this here maze of a city. The Bloody humans are everywhere, and then I come to find out the bloody Administration is everywhere!

I sets out four nights ago to do my reconnoitering and me whole mission goes topsy-turvy! I was slinking about a side street keeping to the shadows. I’m very good at slinking. In fact me slinking skills is right on par with my sneaking skills and it’s a good thing. I slinked around the corner of low cinder block building and almost stumbled right into a meeting of sorts.

Now us C.O.P.’s (that would be creatures of powers to the uninitiated) can feel each others presence. It’s like radar although I’m told I give me counterparts in the administration a feeling the humans call “the willies”. If you is on your guard you can keep your aura down and they would never know you was there. Since I was in slinking mode I had me aura tucked up way under me underpants and good thing.

That Administration stink hit my like a sandpaper blackjack on an open wound. It was rather frightful and almost caused me to spit up which is a very undemonic like thing to do. Like I’ve said many times before I’ve been in this monkey boy soma way too long...

There was three of ‘em conversing in the center of a small square surrounded by goats. I don’t know what was up with the bloody goats, but these here Indian variety of monkey boys got barnyard animals all over the place.

They was talking real low and was obviously deep into their discussion because they never saw me. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw who the leader of this motley crew was… the archangel Michael himself! By the dark lord’s beard I’d know that face and aura a thousand miles away and here he was on this old blue ball. The demon slayer himself was in the real worlds and that was bad news for the likes of me.

I was beside myself. What to do? I had to get this information back to old Tres. This would definitely put me in good with that bloody monkey boy and might even get me a promotion. Then I got to thinking was this lot here because of the second ringers? It was all getting very confusing and starting to hurt me head when I was given up by a bloody cat!

This one weren’t no ordinary cat. It was obviously a sentry for this gaggle of Admin types. It let out a cry that curled me fur and then it hissed like a bloody cobra. That group of holier than thou spun on me and blood was in their eyes. I gave that little tattle tale a boot into the wall before I scampered down the alley. It made a delightful scream as I high tailed it down the dark ways.

It took me three days to shake those lads! Three days. If I sucked in my aura anymore it would have turned into a rabbit turd! I figured that’s what they was scanning on and I think they had more than one bloody cat helping them. I didn’t trust the damn goats either or the cows for that matter… bloody animal kingdom.
Anyway I got back to my seedy hovel this morning and I think I’m going to take some down time before I file my report with Tres. Me nerves are shattered!

- Aimless

The Message

I didn't squish the horsefly because he made an honest mistake. I always forget that insects in general ain't so good with time. Most of them can't count much past six so add their temporal deficiencies with their lack of mathematical skills and you need to watch yourself around dates and time delivered by denizens of the insect family.

The stupid human that sent me the meeting date and time should have put that in the note strapped to the little bugger’s back. Being a stupid human he don’t know much about the native intelligence of our multi-legged friends… being a stupid human he don’t know much about the universe in general.

So I went back to that lovely place with the lovely aroma what reminds me of home and waited for monkey boy. He was a trip this one. He was a little brown fellah with thick black hair and dark eyes and a knife about as long as his forearm.

At first I thought he was a common thug looking for a bit of cash, but then he says to me, “I’m the messenger of Lord Sidious and if you are not the one who is tasked with hearing his words then tonight is your last night on earth.”

“That was pretty long winded mate,” I says just before I knocked the knife out of his hand and hoisted up in the air by the throat. I made me eyes glow red all evil like and showed him my fangs. I almost transformed back to me true self instead of this bloody monkey boy soma, but that takes too much energy and it was close to dawn.

“Now why don’t you deliver this here message before I lose me temper… you would like me when I’m angry… actually you wouldn’t like me period.”

After his teeth stopped chattering he said, “Lord Sidious says to tell you he believes he’s found agents from the second ring in Bangalore… many agents! He’s afraid they will bring the wrath of the Administration down on him and he requests your aid in discovering why they’re here!”

I dropped the little fellah into the muck and scratched me chin. I never met this here Lord Sidious, but I heard old Tres mention him a few times. If he was right about second ringers being here in the real worlds that would be big trouble. Us first ringers aren’t allowed out never mind them second ringers.

“You tell this bloke Sidious I’ll meet him soon. I’m going to do a little reconnoitering around this here lovely city. I’ll send the fly when I’m ready… and I’ll PUT THE DATE AND TIME IN THE NOTE!”

I loved the way that little feller cringed.

- Aimless

Smells Like...

I got a msg sent to me on the back of a very large horsefly that said I was to meet me contact in Banaglore under a bridge in the dead of night. It was a disgusting place filled with fetid water that smelled like dead rats and used nappies. The banks of the river was covered in garbage and raw waste. All that stink and refuse brought a tear to me eye... it reminded me of home.

I waited for several hours until dawn threatened to give me away. Me contact never showed... I got a horsefly to squish!

- Aimless

Laggard

One of the side effects of taking on a human soma is that you suffer all of their foibles. I learned about a new one the past couple of days called Jet lag. I've been a plane a few times, (the kind with the propellers) but not hopping from one part of the world to the other. I spent over 20 hours in that metal tube with a bloody Indian who snored like a bloody elephant with a diarrhetic mouse up his trunk.

Now I'm on the ground walking around like a bloody zombie. I've know a few in my day and their not much fun to be around, moaning all the time, bumping into the furniture, trying to eat your various limbs and what not.

Fortunately I'm not supposed to meet my contact for another couple of days. Until then I'm going to lie low and enjoy the spicy food. They was going to put me up in some fancy hotel, but I was having none of that. I'd stick out like a sore thumb and you never know when those administration types are about.

- Aimless

Roadtrip!

Old Tres gave me a shocker he did. He's got me going on a real mission. Of course he has says the only reason he's got me going it because he's short staffed, but I ignored that there barb. I'm going all the way to India! I haven't been there in at least a thousand years!

I used to have a whole village of monkey boys and girls who worshipped me and I mean that literally. I convinced 'em I was god. I used to have wild orgies and human sacrifice almost daily. It was one of the high points of my career on this here blue ball.

Of course old Tres has got me booked on a plane for tomorrow so now I need to do a bunch of running around to get ready. I don't know why I need to take a bloody plane anyway. It's quicker to use the underways, but I think Tres is afraid that bit of magic might show up on the Administration radar.

I gave Bucky the news and he was happy and all, but I could tell he was little sad too. I know he's going to miss and I hate to say it, but I'm going to miss him too.

- Aimless

Errands...

Old Tres's been hinting at some big mission for me at the end of the week. Knowing him it’ll be some trivial task like delivering a note or some such nonsense better done by the post office. He loves giving me the little bits to do just to prick me pride.

One day that monkey boy is going to turn his back on me and old Aimless is going to have a bit of fun on his spine. I don’t suffer these insults, slight or otherwise, kindly. I got me pride and it can be a terrible thing.

For now old Aimless is just sitting around twiddling his thumbs and looking after Bucky. Old Mal says I should get me an Xbox to while away the time. Not sure what he meant by that. Personally I don’t find a box shaped like an X all that intriguing.

- Aimless

The Insidious Wassermans

Oh there a clever lot these Wassermans. Downright crafty they is...

I thought I'd do me a little reconnoitering seeing as Bucky was still recuperating from his round about experience with the dryer the other day. He ain’t quite been the same… seems a little bit unsteady on his feet to me.

Anyway I put on me best sneaking outfit which is all black. I even got me some black sneakers. I love sneakers. I love anything what’s got sneak in the name. So I come at the Wassermans from the back of the house through the small woods all crafty like.

I stepped right over Tank who was snoozing right on his ball. I edged around the corner of their garage and scoped out the front yard like one of them ninja blokes. I crouched down in the bushes waiting to see who might come and go from this here suburban abode of light and goodness… yuk!

“Hi Aimless.”

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I screams just like a little girl and falls out of the bushes like a rank amateur.

Sara the little blonde girl was standing behind me looking all sweet and cute as a button and I was caught flat footed all sprawled out on the ground.

“I was looking for Bucky. I ain’t seen him in a bit.”

“The last I saw him he was headed to your house Aimless.”

“Oh… Right… well then.”

“Ball! Ball! I got a ball! Wanna play ball!? I love the ball! Do you want to play ball,” Tank said with his tail wagging like the prop on an airplane.

“Tank wants to play ball Aimless. Lets play some ball,” Sara says.

Me sneakin’ skills are going to hell. I’m going to hell. They’re going to find out about this and send me straight back to detention. Pah!

... we did have a good game of catch though.

- Aimless

Round and Round

I feel low today. I love me old mate Bucky. I would never do anything to harm him. He's safe now and the Vet gave him some medicine to calm him down. He don't blame me none and said it was an honest mistake and all, but I still feel terrible. I spent all day worrying about him cause he was in there for fifteen minutes. He didn't get burned or nothing, but he's pretty banged up.

Bloody hell this is why we detention types ain't supposed to get emotional entanglements and now I'm all entagled up with a cat! Pah!

Now I feel terrible 'cause I was the one what closed the door and pushed the button. I made Bucky swear to me that he'd never take a nap in the dryer again. Me poor mental constitution can't take it!

- Aimless

Still Friends

Bucky came back last night. He was kind of funny at first. He didn't say anything for a whole hour. Finally he sits down right in front of me and says, "I can't believe you were cavorting with a stupid dog! They're so..... stupid!"

"We's just playin' a bit o' catch, Bucky, is all..."

"Catch! What the hell kind of stupid game is catch! With a ball no less! If you play catch you should catch a mouse and rip its guts out. That's catch!"

"All we had was a ball at that the time Bucky. Weren't no mice presenting themselves."

"Hmmmpppppfffff!!!" He replied and looked away in total disdain.

I likes Bucky real well so I says to him, "I was only thinking of you, Bucky."

"What!?"

"Well you're supposed to be reporting on this lot of humans and I figured I'd ingratiate myself to the dog, him being so stupid and all, so as to get more information. I mean there was no way you was going to interrogate the dog right?"

Bucky narrowed his eyes, looked me over and rolled this around in his conniving little feline head.

"I thought spying on the Wassermans was subterfuge to get me in good with detention?"

"What's a Wasserman?"

"That the name of the little blonde girl's family," he says.

"Well you see old Bucky, that's what I thought when we started this whole enterprise, but I've been looking over your shoulder and now I think these here Wasserman's may be REAL Administration spies!"

"NO!!!!!" Bucky replies all serious like.

"It's true mate. There's something not right about this lot. We've got to be real careful."

Bucky's mood turned all the way around and he jumped up in my lap and started purring like a race car with a bad cylinder.

"This is so cool! A real mission! We might even get to take them down!"

"Way down mate."

"But not the little blond girl. She's mine," Bucky said as he curled up in my lap.

"Whatever you say mate. We can make her your own personal masseuse."

The two of us sat there in front of the fireplace in my little house, watching the flames and once again bonded in our friendship. I mulled over the lie I had just told Bucky because there was a piece of it that wasn't entirely sure it was a lie. There wasn't something entirely right with those Wassermans.

- Aimless

Good for the bloody goose!

It just fries my nuggets. Roasts 'em up in peanut oil and serves 'em to the hounds with hot sauce! Administration law says we denizens of detention aren't allowed to roam the real worlds because the one God has decreed this here universe is to be run on the principles of science and technology. Pah!

Of course every chance they get those Administration pukes are pulling off miracles left and right! I read a story this morning about a baby thrown 300 feet by a tornado with naught but scratches. Now you tell me a Guardian Angel didn’t catch that tyke and set him down all real gentle like!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/weather/02/08/tornadoes/index.html

Good enough for the goose ain't good enough for the gander around these here parts I say! I’ve got a right mind to go out and make a miracle of my own. Maybe I’ll go out and turn a few politicians into vampires and stir it up a little… of course then again no one would notice that… Pah!

- Aimless

Wolfy Wannabes

I had to make a trip to the combat zone in Boston to run an errand for old Tres. It's not really a combat zone, but they call it that because a few of the lads are rough and it's where the ladies of the night like to flaunt their wares.

I did me business and cut through a few back alleys to get to the T and back out to me home when I chanced upon a carload of agitated monkey boys. They weren’t from around these parts. They was Arabs of some sort. I know because I speak the language… actually I speak every language.

So they was going on about killing this and killing that and blowing up this and blowing up that and I’m thinking, “Now these are my kinds of lad! A little mayhem in the old town tonight!”

So I saunters over to the lot and says in their own language all friendly like, “Hi Boys! Out for some fun tonight?”

What do I get for my agreeable nature? The closest lad screams, “Infidel Spy!”, pulls out a hand cannon and shoots me in the chest!

Shooting me in the chest makes me real angry. It’s right there at the top of the list with stabbing me in the stomach and throwing acid in me face.

What monkey boy didn’t realize was with what me being a demon of hell and all sticking bits of lead in my body would have no more effect than trying to suck spaghetti with a straw.

I guess I had a look of shock on my face because the shooter smiled all evil like. I guess he expected me to keel over dead. Imagine his surprise when I snatched away his gun and caved his skull in… and I do mean caved in his skull.

The other three monkey boys were a little slow and I was already on them with me beloved straight razor before they could scream. I went to go throw all the bits in the trunk, but it was full of some kind of clay hooked together by wires and batteries and flashing red bitty lights… very strange it was.

I ended up just throwing them all in the back seat. I drove out to the coast and used a wee bit of magic (not enough to show up on the Administration radar) to drive that car far out into the surf. Those monkey boys would never be seen again.

Like my old friend Mack the Hack used to say, “If you’re going to shoot me in the chest you better beeeeeeeeee somebody.”

- Aimless

I'm Too Bloody Literal

The humans around these parts have been talking about a runoff between these candidates in this upcoming election. I don't pay much attention to it since I ain't allowed to recruit from that lot. Lucky's got dibs on them being the big guy and all.

Anyway I see this Lass Hillary and some bloke named Obama is part of the action. Naturally I figured Obama would run circles around the wench since he's long and lean and a strider if ever I saw one. Seemed like easy money to me so I gave me friend JoJo a call who's a bookie down in Vegas and put a few quid down on old Obama.

I flips on the TV and finds out it's all about voting! Voting! No running at all. What is wrong with this country? Why can't things be called what they are? Things was named long ago in the beginning times and these here monkey boys and girls are always changing it around! The one god didn't need to strike down the tower of Babel ad mix up the tongues this lot would have done it on their own!

I heard this other bloke McCain who runs (Pah!) for the other side cemented his lead. I’ll bet not a single person was locked up in a rock casket. Stupid monkey boys…

- Aimless

Superbowl

Old Mal came over the other night to show me the rite of the superbowl. I've been living in this here country on and off since before the Christians found it and I never did understand these American team sports.

The superbowl's been going on for almost 50 years and I always wondered how big this piece of pottery was and what it had to do with this game. Of course there ain't no real bowl in the game, but a pointy egg made out of pigskin. They runs it back and forth down a field and crush the bejesus out of each other. I kind of liked that. Sometimes they kick it for no apparent reason.

Some of the terminology I found a might confusing though. Back in detention when we sack someone we throw them in a sack and beat them with blunt instruments. A punt is a boat. A tightend is something to revere. Out of bounds would be anywhere other than detention (at least according to those Administration pukes), and a safety is something that don't exist in hell.

Anyway you peform this here rite with copious amounts of chips, dip, wings, sandwiches, pasta salad, and most of all... BEER! Lots and lots of beer. I really liked that part... which is why I ain't posted to this blog for a couple of days. Even demons get hungover.

- Aimless

Sara

I don't know what came over me. Maybe I have some weird addiction like what monkey boys and girls get. Maybe... and I shudder to think it... I'm getting addicted to this here niceness.

Arrrrgggggg!!!

There I've gone and said it! Causes me fits it does! I'm a demon from the first ring of hell!

But the puppy was a friendly bugger...

And he didn't run away from me the other night...

And he had a ball...

Yes... I went back and played ball again with Tank. That's me new friends name. At least he's a Rottweiler. In that movie "Damien" they made about the AC the hellhounds were all Rottweilers. That makes me feel a little bit better, it does.

So we played ball for about a half hour or so and guess who walks out the back porch into the back yard? Bucky's little blond girl! Bucky didn't tell me she had no puppy dog. Once again I was caught flat footed and speechless. I swear they're going to kick me out of the hellfire club if they find any of this out.

"Hello," she says pretty as pink with her button nose, perfect little girl smile and bright blue eyes. I had to do everything I could to keep from retching.

"Good evening miss. I hope you don't mind me tossing the ball to yer mate."

"That's OK. He likes to play all the time."

"I did notice that. He's one right friendly little chap."

"My name's Sara. What's yours?"

"They call me Aimless."

"Hi Aimless. Let's play monkey in the middle and Tank can be the monkey."

So there I was last night tossing the ball back and forth with the little blond girl and a puppy dog. Looked like a snapshot Norman Rockwell would have taken. I can't say I'm proud about it. I can't say I won't do it again, but at least I've gone and got it off me chest.

Bucky's not talking to me anymore... he found out about the puppy.

- Aimless

Here puppy, puppy...

So last night I went out to kill something. Need to get me head back on straight. I went out at dusk all dressed in black with murder in my eyes… I couldn’t find anything! Neither man, nor women, nor child, nor beast was about in this here frosty suburban wasteland!

“Bloody hell!” I screams to the universe. “Bloody, bloody hell!”

Any other day there’d be a dozen smart looking monkey boys and girls out saying, “How are you? Lovely day. You’re looking well. Good evening. Arrrrrggggg!” They’re all so bloody nice around here it’s killing me.

Finally after three hours of lurking around in the dark (I’m a pretty good lurker, ranked highest in me class in lurkin’ as a lad) I spied a victim. Oh he was a cutie he was. A little puppy dog let out to do his nightly business. All alone and playing by himself. This one I was going to skin and make me some mittens out of his hide. I love puppy dog mittens.

So I sneaks up real quiet like (I’m real good at sneakin’ too) and I pulls out me beloved straight razor. The sound of steel slipping out of leather was like music to me ears. My breath quickened. My heart went a flutter. I got half across that backyard… and stepped on a twig. CRACK!!!! Me sneakin’ skills are going to hell.

The puppy dog hears that twig snap and comes running over yapping like a whole kennel of hellhounds. By the dark lord’s beard I couldn’t make up me mind to slash and flee or just slash so instead I just stands there like a rank amateur.

The puppy pulls right up to my feet and says, “Hi! Hi! Hi! Wanna play!? Do you huh? I got a ball! Wanna play with the ball!? I love the ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!”

“Uh…” I says a little taken off guard. I slips me razor back in its sheath behind me back so he doesn’t see it.

“Are you new around here? I’ve never seen you before? Do you want to play? I have a Ball! I love the Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!”

It was turning out to be one depressing night. I couldn’t kill the little bugger with him having made all that noise so I figured at least I could scare the little tyke something fierce.

“Maybe you don’t want to play with me for you see I’m a demon from helllllllll,” and with that said I made me eyes glow fire red and all hellish like.

“Cool! That is sooooo cool! How did you do that! The humans say my eyes glow like that way when they take a picture! What’s a picture? What’s a demon? Do you want to play? I have a Ball! I love the Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!”

Sigh… What could I do? I had no other options. My night was ruined, my souls gone corrupt and… he had a ball…

- Aimless